If you struggle with depression, then you know how hard it is to ignore those depressive thoughts. You’re not alone. I’m not going to be one of those people that says “everyone gets depressed,” but it felt like it. When I was in a depressive episode, the world seemed so grey and bleak at some point in my life. It felt like I had nothing to look forward to and that the world was always fighting against me.
If you’ve read my previous open letters to depression, anxiety, or anything else, then you know how much this topic means to me. Mental Health Awareness Week is about educating people and breaking stigmas and misconceptions about mental health overall.
One of the biggest misconceptions people have when depressed is that their thoughts and feelings are invalid or wrong. As someone who’s been depressed, I know the feeling of shame, guilt, and pain that comes with thinking negatively or feeling down all the time. So, today, I’m sharing a list of all the thoughts I had while I was depressed and sometimes still have.
My Depressive Thoughts
- Nothing ever goes my way
- It wasn’t meant to be
- My boyfriend doesn’t love me
- Of course, I’m failing. I’m not that smart
- Why are my friends never available?
- Do my friends even like me?
- Did I deserve it?
- Why do I even keep trying? I’ll never succeed.
- Why am I the only one who is going through this?
- Everyone seems so happy around me. It’s gross.
- Should I just sleep in?
- Who needs sleep?
- Eh, I guess I’ll do my homework/work later.
- Should I break up with my boyfriend?
- I know I’m not that pretty.
- Life is pretty meaningless.
- Would it be better if I died?
- I wonder what death feels like?
- What would happen if I disappeared? Would anyone still miss me?
- Does anyone even love me? Probably not.
- I fucking hate school.
- What am I even going to do next year?
- I don’t know what to do with my life.
- I have zero time for anything.
- I don’t know why I keep trying all the time. I’ll never get it.
- I’m the last person who deserves happiness or peace
- My life is so chaotic.
- What did I do in my past life to deserve all this pain?
- I cannot handle it anymore.
- I want to drop out of school. I hate it.
- Will my boyfriend still love me if I tell him I hate him?
- Am I sexually attractive anymore?
- Nothing can be worse than where my life is right now
- I hate my life so much
- Ugh, why is everything so bleak these days
- I wish I had someone to talk to
- No one would ever understand the pain I’m in
- I have no one to go to
- My parents don’t care for me.
- I’m just a trophy. I have no rights.
- It doesn’t matter what he says to me.
- I probably deserved it.
- Can I quit now or later?
- Is there something I’m doing right?
- Why are they looking at me so weirdly?
- Do you hate me?
- Fuck me
- I deserve the most painful death.
- Life is not worth it.
Why Am I Sharing these Depressive Thoughts?
Can you relate to any of the depressive thoughts above? If so, then you’re not alone. The reason I’m sharing something so personal is that I want you to know that you’re never alone. Struggling with depression and balancing it with my academic and social life was one of the hardest things for me to do.
If you’re ever feeling down or having negative thoughts, I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to have these depressive thoughts and feelings. But, you should never feel bad or guilty about the way you think. It happens to the best of us.