What 28 Taught Me About Self-Love and Growth
Turning 28 taught me that self-love is messy, powerful, and essential. These lessons reflect healing, motherhood, and finally choosing myself, every single time, without guilt.
Every year around my birthday, I take time to reflect on the journey I’ve been on—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This year, as I turn 28, I can’t help but look back at all the personal growth I’ve experienced and how deeply my relationship with self-love has evolved. As a busy mom, blogger, and woman who has gone through a lot in a short amount of time, I’ve learned that self-love is not a destination—it’s an ongoing, intentional practice.
Here are 28 honest lessons I learned about self-love over the past year.
28 Self-Love Lessons I Learned
Motherhood
Being a Mom Doesn’t Mean Pretending to Be a Superhero
You don’t have to carry it all. Asking for help is not a weakness; it’s an act of self-love. I’ve always helped to care for children as long as I can remember. When I first gave birth, I felt guilty and ashamed for struggling so much with a child who was not even a month old yet. To me, babies should be simple: feed, sleep, poop, cry, repeat. But that was not the case. Our daughter was so fussy and barely napped in her first few weeks of life, and my partner and I were barely surviving on the 2-3 hours of sleep we were getting.
One day, I lashed out, and I felt like the worst human in the world. That same day, my mom came and took her outside for a few hours so we could sleep. That was the best thing that had happened to us in that moment. From then on, I have had no qualms about asking for help.
Being a Mom Is Hard, but That Doesn’t Make Me a Bad One
Struggling doesn’t mean failing. It means I’m human. I don’t know a single mother or parent who has ever said that it was easy. In some ways, parenthood is supposed to be the most rewarding yet most challenging thing you’ve ever done in your life. You’re literally keeping a human alive and teaching them how to navigate the world. I think I deserve a big round of applause for making it this far.
Mental Health
The Recovery Journey for Mental Health Is Long and Windy
Progress isn’t linear. Some days are good, and some days are hard; both are valid. A lot can happen in just one year. When I first started recovering from the postpartum depression, it felt bad that I couldn’t be happy “quickly enough.” Often, it felt like I was making no progress, and that the work I was doing was pointless. But, as the year passed, I learned that recovering from a mental health illness is not supposed to be speedy or straight. It takes time, patience, and many trials and errors before you get it right. Even when you do recover, there will still be things you need to work on.
It’s Okay to Admit When You’re Struggling
Pretending everything is okay only leads to burnout. Vulnerability is strength. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I struggled a lot to admit that I was working. I didn’t want to become a useless pregnant lady who couldn’t do anything for herself. However, I quickly learned that this mindset was dangerous to the baby and me. This mindset led to many incidents and sick days.
Mental Illness Doesn’t Define My Worth
I can have anxiety, depression, or bad days and still be a good mom, partner, and person. Having depression and generalized anxiety used to bother me a lot in 2015/16. I thought it made me so weird and unlikable. These days, I am embracing my mental health illnesses and learning that having these labels does not define my worth.
All Types of Therapy Matter
Whether it’s individual, couples, or psychiatric support, each one plays a role in healing.
Childish Joy Means My Inner Child Is Healing
I’ve always been a child at heart. I love Disney sing-alongs, playing video games, ice cream, and still crying at the end of movies. Growing up, I was often told that I needed to “act my age” and stop doing things that are meant for children. Now that I am older, I realize that my inner child missed these things, and that it is okay for me to enjoy “childish” free of judgment and worry.
It’s Okay to Cut Off Triggers
People, places, or habits that stir up trauma don’t belong in your life anymore.
Ambition Shouldn’t Lead to Burnout
You know, part of the reason I went through so much previously was due to my ambition. Sometimes, having too much of it can cause problems, which I’ve learned firsthand on my mental health recovery journey. Yes, you should strive for bigger and better things, but it should not cause you distress.
Depression and Sadness Don’t Make Me Broken
They signal that I need more support, not that something is wrong with me.
Self-Care
I Need to Schedule Time for Myself Without Guilt
When I say self-care is not selfish, I mean it. As a new mom, I went through months where I felt guilty for going out with friends or taking some time for myself. But I shouldn’t have. No one should feel guilty for scheduling time for themselves or doing things to make themselves feel good. Self-care is not selfish. So, if you’re a new mom too, remember that self-care is essential to the postpartum journey.
Bubble Baths Aren’t the Only Form of Self-Care
Proper self-care is deeper. It includes boundaries, sleep, nutrition, and emotional regulation. It took me a while to learn this. However, a simple bubble bath is not truly self-care if I’m not gaining any personal growth, relaxation, or peace from it.
My Mind Needs Time to Unwind
Mental rest is just as important as physical rest. I need quiet, stillness, and peace. As I get older, I realize how much more time I need for these things. Over the last year, I have started to purposely carve out time in the early mornings, between 5 am and 7 am, to exercise, eat a quiet breakfast, and take my time with my skincare routine.
Treating Myself Is Not Excessive
Luxury and self-celebration matter. I deserve good things.
Body Positivity
Body Weight Fluctuates—Stop Obsessing
I was so upset after trying my first pair of jeans on postpartum. I couldn’t squeeze my thighs into them. So, I decided that I needed to lose weight. With that came constant criticisms of my physical appearance and an obsession with the scale. I weighed myself every day to ensure I was making progress. When I would gain a pound, I would punish myself by skipping meals or telling myself hurtful things.
I know the body fluctuates depending on the time of day, but that did not stop me from obsessing so much. It wasn’t until I realized how crappy I was making myself feel that I started to change those habits. Although I still weigh myself frequently, I am no longer fixated on the minor details. Instead, I am focused on developing positive habits to maintain my progress, such as eating healthily and exercising regularly.
Postpartum Bodies Are Beautiful
Stretch marks, softness, and scars are all reminders of the strength it took to grow a life. Looking at my stretch marks gives me a sense of joy, but it also makes me insecure. Those marks are a sign of the life I created, yet for months, I felt so guilty that I could not bounce back.
My Body Doesn’t Equal My Worth
What matters most is how I feel on the inside, not how I look on the outside.
Acne Happens
The average person suffers from acne at some point in their life. It’s essential to remember that it doesn’t make you less or more beautiful. If you’re experiencing significant issues with it, the problem can often be resolved through lifestyle changes or consultation with a dermatologist. The point is that it does not have to become a permanent thing.
Wellness
My Decisions Must Prioritize My Wellness
The binge-drinking partying days are over. I would much rather sign up for a cute Pilates class than spend my night sick because I ate something bad. Maybe this makes me an old lady, but I feel like you should be able to have fun without:
- being under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or marijuana
- needing to sacrifice your health
Instead of partying until 2 am, I’d like to read books, chat, or go to the movies and enjoy the latest Marvel film.
Going Outside Matters
Fresh air and sunlight—even for 10 minutes—can improve my entire day.
Eating Whole Foods Makes a Difference
Honestly, I am so glad I changed the way I eat. I can physically feel the difference. Instead of eating tons of donuts from Dunkin or stocking up on Oreos, I indulge in fruits and veggies that cater to my sweet tooth. I also enjoy fruit tasting or real fruit pops, occasionally dipped in dark chocolate. For me, it’s the balance that counts.
Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”
C. JoyBell C
Food Is Not the Enemy
I can eat and enjoy my meals without feeling guilty or ashamed.
Working Out at Home Is Valid
A 30-minute session in my living room feels better than forcing myself into a gym that makes me uncomfortable. Before I became pregnant, I struggled to enjoy working out at the gym with a trainer. The trainer was excellent, the gym not so much. I hated how crowded it would get or how hard it was to focus without feeling like I did not belong. Now, I enjoy my at-home workouts, and it’s doing so much for my health.
Personal Growth
Admitting I Was Wrong Is Growth
I’m prideful, I admit it. I hate admitting when I am wrong, especially when I was so passionate about my point. But realizing when you are wrong is a sign of growth and maturity.
No One Knows Me Better Than Me
Your inner voice deserves to be trusted. You are your own best guide.
Stop Making Life Easier for People Who Harmed You
It’s so hard for me not to forgive people instantly. I love to believe that all people can change if they try, but nowadays, I am realizing that is not the truth. Some people will never change, and you need to accept that they are revealing their true nature. You don’t owe anyone forgiveness or comfort if they’ve caused you harm. You’re healing comes first.
No Means No
This one is self-explanatory.
I’m Never “Too Much”
No one should ever have to change who they are, unless they are a truly reprehensible person. These days, I would rather be by myself than hang out with people who find my outgoing, fun, and loud personality to be a nuisance. Being yourself, and only yourself, is the best gift of self-love, and it should be yours too.
I Must Love Myself on the Hard Days Too
Even when I feel low, I am still deserving of love, care, and compassion.
Final Thoughts
Self-love isn’t always soft or Instagram-worthy. Sometimes it’s gritty, emotional, and hard-won. However, each of these lessons has helped me accept myself with greater grace and compassion. I hope that they encourage you to reflect on your own journey, wherever you are in it. Because at the end of the day, loving yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever nurture.
