How I Learned To Love Myself Again

There are certain life events that everyone has to experience before they can truly become who they’re meant to be. For some, it’s getting married, and for others, it might be a sudden death. For me, it was September 2025. I thought things were going well: I had just gotten a raise, my baby was no longer sick, and things seemed to be going smoothly financially. That was until I discovered that my partner of almost 10 years had betrayed me. That moment changed everything I knew about my life and myself.

One minute, I was happily in love, and the next, I was stuck figuring out if I had the mental capacity to handle single parenthood. September 2025 changed everything I knew about life. That’s exactly where this journey began for me, after breaking up with my child’s father.

Breaking up with my child’s father was one of the hardest things I did. Although I loved him very deeply, I knew that I had to show our daughter that it’s not okay to take that kind of treatment from anyone, and that includes her dad. It wasn’t just the breakup. It was everything that came with it. The emotional weight, the sudden responsibility of doing most things on my own, and the uncertainty about what life would look like next. There were moments when everything felt overwhelming, and I experienced a mental health breakdown that forced me to pause and really look at where I was.

I never realized how much I relied on him and his family until I had to figure things out on my own, from budgeting our shared finances to adjusting her routines so she wouldn’t be affected by our split. This was a new territory for me, and with this breakup came a lot of stress, fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and depression.

As time passed, something magical happened. I slowly learned how to love myself again: my body, my mind, and my faults.

Navigating Mental Health and Financial Uncertainty

After the breakup, the first thing I focused on was money. I wanted to make sure that our breakup would not affect our ability to care for our child. However, that was easier said than done.

When her father and I sat down to talk things out, we realized that our individual debts would reduce our ability to afford necessities such as food, daycare, travel, and rent. However, the breakup, coupled with feeling depressed and working a full-time 9-to-5 job, left me feeling drained at all times.

Working around my depression while financially readjusting was no easy feat. Through it all, I made small financial decisions that helped to make things a little easier for me, which in turn helped to improve my depression symptoms.

• Started cooking at home more and stocking up on quick supermarket freezer meals, which made it easier for me to save money on lunch and dinner, especially on days when I was feeling lazy.
• Not taking Uber unless it was necessary, which in turn saved me at least a few hundred bucks a month.
• Limiting my social outings to what I can afford, or budgeting ahead of time, so we were not left strapped for cash.

These last few months have forced me to become more aware of what I need. I also gained some financial literacy skills, and while things are not perfect, they are better. It also taught me to slow down. That meant being honest with myself. And most importantly, that meant giving myself grace.

Putting Your Health First As A Mother

One of the biggest lessons I learned is that my child should not come first at the expense of my overall well-being, whether that be physical, mental, or emotional. I realized that I gave up a lot of my physical and mental sanity for the sake of being a mom, and while in a relationship. When the breakup occurred, my self-esteem took a huge hit, which became my biggest motivator to change.

As a toddler mom, I want to give my baby girl everything, and I sacrifice a lot to do so. I’m constantly thinking of new things she needs to continue developing, to grow tall, and to stay happy. But, once in a while, someone will ask me, “What about you?” and that makes me pause. Being a mother means sacrificing parts of yourself to ensure your child’s well-being. However, if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to show up the way your child needs you to.

For me, that looked like becoming more intentional about my health. I started making better food choices, such as drinking more water and eating more fruits and veggies. I also committed to strength training at least 1-2x a week, which has definitely improved my overall happiness. It also meant making space for adult fun and moments where I could just be myself, like going to K-pop concerts and going on dates.

Rediscovering Yourself After a Breakup

Honestly, being a newly single person is overwhelming and complicated. I have been fortunate enough to go on sweet, romantic, and adventurous dates with some. However, after the breakup, I realized I had been looking at the dating world the wrong way, and that changed my mindset for the better.

Most people who start dating are ultimately looking for either someone casual, a one-night stand, or something long-term. Yet, I don’t fit into any of these categories. Dating is not about seeking a labeled relationship, but rather about rediscovering who I am and having some fun in the process. It took me a while to accept this fact. Every time I logged into Tinder and Hinge, I felt a sense of dread, and it was not until I started dating a few select men that this changed for me. Dating taught me that you can meet new people. You can learn more about who you are now, outside of your past relationship. That process alone can be healing.

At the same time, I had to remind myself that the breakup didn’t define me. It didn’t take away my value. I am still a great person, regardless of my relationship status.

And even though the romantic relationship ended, we’ve been able to co-parent effectively. That in itself is something to be proud of. It showed me that endings don’t always have to be messy. They can be mature and respectful, too.

Permitting Yourself to Rest

Another lesson that changed everything was learning that it’s okay to rest. Being a full-time worker and mommy meant that I had to make time for breaks. However, that is easier said than done. There were plenty of times I tried to force myself to work or parent while dreadfully sick with Covid and RSV. I was too afraid to ask her father for help, and I had no one reliable near me. I tried to do things myself. That did not work in my favor.

Instead, it led to my burning out. I had to take almost 2.5 weeks off work to recover because I was physically and mentally exhausted. My child’s father was extremely disappointed that I did not go to him sooner, but he understood where I was coming from.

This single moment taught me one thing:

You don’t have to be strong all the time. You don’t have to push through every feeling or constantly be productive. You’re human. You’re allowed to take breaks. You’re allowed to have moments where you step back and breathe.

For a long time, I felt like I had to keep going no matter what. But the truth is, healing requires rest. Growth requires rest. Loving yourself requires rest.

How I Started Filling My Own Cup Again

During this time, I stepped back from blogging to really focus on myself. I needed that space to figure out what I wanted, what I needed, and how to start pouring into myself again without relying on someone else to do it for me.

Here are a few things that helped me rebuild that connection with myself:

• Staying consistent with movement: I committed to strength training once or twice a week. Even on busy workdays, I found small ways to stay active.
• Rediscovering hobbies: I fell back in love with going to concerts. It became something I genuinely looked forward to and enjoyed.
• Making time for fun and connection: Whether it was going on a date or spending time with friends, I made it a goal to socialize at least once a week.
• Celebrating life without pressure: I focused on enjoying special moments: my daughter’s birthday, holidays, and other occasions, without trying to make everything perfect.

Learning to Love Yourself Again Takes Time

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that self-love isn’t something you fix overnight. It’s something you rebuild, step by step.

There will be hard days. There will be moments where you feel like you’re not making progress. But every small decision you make to choose yourself matters.

Learning to love yourself again means being patient. It means being kind to yourself. And it means understanding that even after everything you’ve been through, you are still worthy of happiness, peace, and love—especially from yourself.