How Motherhood Changed My Relationship With Myself

What better way is there to celebrate Mother’s Day than with a little self-reflection? Am I right?

I remember when I was first told I was pregnant at the local urgent care around the corner from my job. I had a wild weekend drinking Korean soju due to the BlackPink concert and thought I was honestly extremely hungover. I couldn’t believe it. I thought the doctor was playing a prank on me, honestly. Up until that point, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to become a mother due to certain medical conditions, but I can confidently say that I am happy to be on this journey.

Motherhood changes almost everything about your life, but one thing I never expected it to change so deeply was my relationship with myself.

Before motherhood, I honestly thought I was taking pretty good care of myself. I worked out about 3 times a week, made time for socializing, and ate reasonably well. But once I became a mother, I learned the true meaning of self-care, and even now, I am still struggling with it.

Becoming a mom forced me to take a hard look at myself. I could no longer lie about my hidden insecurities about my weight or my lack of stamina. I could no longer trick myself into thinking that eating crappy for a day wouldn’t affect my workout sessions. I also had to embrace change and learn to adapt. Some of these changes were easier than others, like daycare and returning to work. There are some things that I still find difficult 2 years later, like dealing with constant illnesses and having a toddler who no longer listens to you.

Motherhood also taught me that the relationship you have with yourself matters more than you think. It affects how you show up for the people you love most.

Motherhood Made Me Realize I Couldn’t Pour From an Empty Cup

Do you know why most moms crash out or experience burnout easily? Think about it. We’re so busy making sure the family unit runs smoothly that we sacrifice our physical, mental, and spiritual sanity in the process. As a mom, it’s easier to think about everyone else’s needs but not your own.

You focus on your child’s needs, your responsibilities, your schedule, and making sure everyone else is okay. Somewhere along the way, you can slowly stop checking in with yourself. know I did, and sometimes still do. For a long time, I felt like sacrificing my well-being was what it meant to be a good mother.

If my child is happy, healthy, and provided for, then nothing else matters.

This is what I used to tell myself every day whenever I got sick or stopped essential self-care as a mom. Eventually, not taking care of myself became second nature, until I had my own episode and ended up hospitalized. Being at the hospital taught me that while it’s important to take care of my child, I cannot do it if I am not also taking care of myself.

My child comes first, but not before my health.

Because if I’m exhausted, emotionally drained, stressed, or neglecting myself completely, I can’t fully show up for her the way I want to. That realization changed everything for me. It pushed me to become more intentional about taking care of myself, not out of selfishness, but out of necessity.

I Started Prioritizing My Health More

One of the biggest ways motherhood changed me was the way I started taking my health seriously. Not just physically, but mentally too.

I became more mindful about eating healthier, moving my body consistently, and making room for things that genuinely improved my happiness. Over the past several months, strength training has become one of the ways I started reconnecting with myself again. Even if I only made it to the gym once or twice a week, it reminded me that I deserved time and care, too.

At first, I was scared to take that step. didn’t want to impose my gym schedule on the child’s father or others and intrude on their lives. quickly realized that if I don’t do this, then one day my child and I could get seriously injured while playing. This is what prompted me to walk into the gym near my job and sign up for a training package.

It was difficult at first. There were times when I was extremely drained lifting a weight, and I could barely walk a mile on the treadmill without wanting to faint. However, I kept myself motivated by reminding myself that I am doing this not only for my health, but for my child. She deserves a mom who can play and keep up with my child’s energetic spirit, and that is what I am working towards.

Now, I am proud to say that I am seeing the fruit of my labor. I can play at the playground for about 2 hours before feeling exhausted, and I don’t feel winded when I pick up my baby. Though I still struggle to do it for long hours, I know that I am getting better and stronger at it. Also, I’ve noticed that my daughter is showing an interest in yoga, which excites me.

As moms, we carry so much on our minds. Here’s always something to do, something to plan, or someone depending on us. But motherhood taught me that taking care of my body is not a privilege; it’s a necessity. Taking care of my child matters, but I matter too.

Motherhood Taught Me That My Identity Matters Too

Motherhood is great; however, one of the biggest drawbacks is that you lose yourself to it. I never understood the women who spoke only about their children until I became my own person. During my first year as a new mom, my entire persona was about my baby girl. Virtually every conversation involved details about new milestones, growth, or parenting questions. Slowly, I started losing interest in my hobbies because I was too exhausted from motherhood.

You love your child deeply, but at the same time, you may slowly stop recognizing who you are beyond being “mom.” Your hobbies disappear. our social life changes. Our priorities shift completely. Over time, I realized I needed to reconnect with myself outside of motherhood, too. That meant making time for hobbies again, such as:

• socializing more
• going to concerts
• spending time with friends
• blogging
• exercising
• reading
• shopping
• going on dates

It meant remembering that I’m still a person outside of my responsibilities. And honestly, rediscovering those parts of myself made me a happier mother overall.

My Relationship With Myself Changed After My Breakup

Motherhood also changed how I handled difficult seasons in my life. After ending my relationship with my child’s father in September 2025, I went through one of the hardest periods of my life emotionally, experienced a mental health breakdown, struggled with uncertainty, and had to learn how to navigate life differently. But becoming a mother had already taught me resilience in ways I didn’t fully appreciate until then.

It taught me how to keep going even when life feels heavy. It taught me how to adapt, how to grow, and how to love myself enough to rebuild.

Honestly, becoming a mother saved me from falling down the deep rabbit hole. I had to focus on making decisions that would benefit not only my life, but my child’s as well. This meant not allowing my emotions to get the better of me or doing something I knew I’d regret later (even if I really wanted to).

Motherhood Changed the Way I Speak to Myself

Another unexpected change was the way motherhood made me more aware of my inner voice. I started thinking about the example I wanted to set for my daughter. I don’t want my child growing up hearing me constantly criticize myself, neglect my needs, or believe my worth is tied to productivity or relationships.

I want my child to see a woman who values herself, takes care of herself, and understands the importance of self-love. That realization made me start being kinder to myself, too. Children observe and absorb everything you say. I don’t want my child to have the same insecurities and problems that I do. While I may still struggle, I make a conscious effort to say positive and warm things to myself when she is around.

Not perfect. Not positive all the time. Just kinder.

Learning To Love Yourself as a Mom Is Ongoing

Motherhood didn’t magically make me love myself overnight. If anything, it challenged me to work on myself even more. But it did teach me something important: taking care of yourself is not separate from taking care of your family. The healthier, happier, and more fulfilled you are, the more you can pour into the people you love without losing yourself in the process.

Learning to love yourself as a mom is an ongoing process. Some days are easier than others. Some seasons feel heavier than others. But little by little, I’m learning that I deserve the same care, patience, and compassion that I so freely give to everyone else.

And, it’s not perfect. It never will be. But, not being perfect is what makes me a regular human mom, and I love that. So, if there is anything I want you to take from this post, it’s this.

Being a mother does not mean sacrificing yourself to oblivion. It means showing up for your child in a way that keeps you and them happy and healthy.